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Intuitive Life & Relationship Coach
Single and Seeking? Some Words of Advice..
It’s all so amazing at the beginning of a relationship. The connection is strong, and the attraction is off the charts. You finish each other’s sentences; you don’t sleep much; you have a wonderful time just going to the grocery store together. This must be the one you’ve been waiting for – grass is greener, food tastes better, the world is more beautiful. It’s magical.
Most relationships begin this way. It’s the Romantic Love stage; it allows couples to connect and bond. Many think that the relationship will feel like this forever, and that the object of their affection will always be this way.
And then it changes, leaving people wondering what happened.
It’s supposed to change; relationships need to grow and deepen. The romantic “high” we all feel is just one slice of the relationship pie. There are other areas that need to grow, such as shared interests, lifestyles, friendship, and spirituality. Other aspects need to be explored: common core values, communication, conflict resolution, and each person’s relationship needs and requirements. This is the time to effectively evaluate the alignment of the relationship. Some couples realize that they don’t align well enough to stay together, while others do and so they choose long-term partnership.
Here are some words of advice to support your process:
1) Stop chasing down that initial connection:
Allow some time for the relationship to evolve and then see what kind of connection there is.
2) Evaluate consciously:
Know your core values, needs, and requirements. Look beyond the romance to see if this is the right fit for you.
3) Stand your ground:
Honor your needs and requirements. Don’t let the “but we were so connected” feeling cloud your judgment. Be true to you!
These words will help you look beyond the Romantic Love stage, and effectively decide if the relationship is right for you. Connection is essential, but it takes more than that to build a life together.
Single and Seeking? More Words of Advice..
Are you single, still waiting to meet your ideal partner, and really frustrated? I know; it’s tough to be single these days. You thought you’d be married by now, or perhaps married again by now. Your biological clock may be ticking. You’ve been to several weddings, patiently watching others get to the altar. You’re wondering if there’s anyone out there for you, and you may be frustrated with the “waiting”.
What to do?
Embrace the waiting. The waiting itself is not the issue; it’s what you make it mean that’s the cause of your suffering. For example, if you make the waiting mean that you’re never going find someone, you will suffer. If you make the waiting mean that you’re not attractive enough to find a partner, you will suffer. All of this suffering can actually increase your waiting time and keep you spinning in a miserable loop, while missing out on life – what’s right here, right now.
We all meet the right person at different times, and each of us has a degree of self- discovery and preparation to do before we meet our partner. That process looks different for everyone. Embracing the waiting means embracing your life as it is right now. If you are still single, you are actually in preparation mode, and there is work to be done that will bring you closer to finding your special someone/partner/happily-ever-after.
Hiring a Relationship Coach (yeah, that’s me!) can help you sort through the frustration, uncover the underlying issues that are in your way, and guide you through the self-discovery and preparation that you didn’t even know was missing or lacking.
Trust that everything present in your life right now is part of that process.
Embrace it!
5 Steps You Can Take Right Now to Living Your Own Happily-Ever-After
We all have a “story” about relationship. This “Once Upon a Time” tale begins with the relationship with our family and carries into every relationship we have from then on. Things happen in our early family experience. We interpret those events and create stories about ourselves and our world. These stories become part of our belief system and become the lens through which we see our world. They can often interfere with having our ideal life and relationships. Some of these stories may sound familiar. “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not loveable”, “all the good men are taken”, “women should just cook and clean”, etc. are some of the common stories or beliefs.
As an Intuitive Relationship Coach, I work with Singles and Couples to help them identify and release their old stories about life and love while creating and living a new and better one. In essence, I teach people to live their own happily-ever-after and make their relationship a “10”.
So, take a look at your relationship or, if you’re single, take a look at your life. How would you rate it on a 1-10 scale?
If your score is 1-7, then chances are there are some old stories getting in the way of your happily-ever-after. So let’s look at 5 steps you can take right now to change your story.
Here are 5 steps to take right now towards living your own happily-ever-after:
1) Recognize that you are the author of your story.
It can sometimes seem like your story is being written for you as we can “ghost-write” a challenging story and not be aware of that.
2) Clarify what your “ideal” would look like.
Many people want things to change but don’t have a clear picture of what they want their life and relationships to look like.
3) Identify the stories/beliefs that you have been carrying.
Look at your current circumstances. How they make you feel can help identify your stories.
4) Get into action
We can “talk” about change but we also need to take action to move the new story forward.
5) Hire a Relationship Coach!
Statistics show that you will be 95% effective in achieving your goal if you write them down, take action, and have someone to support you with accountability.
Are you ready to take action, get support, change your story and learn more secrets to living your own happily-ever-after?
Contact me to get started! 661-252-2944
Build Me a Castle!
When I was a little girl, I was taught that some day in my life a wonderful man would swoop into my life, love me, care for me, provide for me, marry me, and essentially build me a castle or have one already built for me. As young girls, we fantasize about who that man will be as we look through bridal magazines imagining our day as a princess bride.
Somehow initially I managed to attract men who were in no shape to take care of me. A few didn’t have stable jobs or steady income, a few expected me to take care of them, and a few seemed to just want a “mommy”. Growing up in the 60s and 70s, the role of women was in the process of changing. I was not necessarily expected to grow up, get married, have kids, and be a housewife. Women in my generation were expected to grow up, be the housewife, and have a career. We were asked to do it all.
So I went to college, got my first 2 degrees, established a career, got married the first time and wondered why I was doing pretty much everything. I was taking care of things at home (and a domestic goddess I was not), working and providing most of the income, while my husband at the time worked when he wanted to and was out and about while I was managing things at home. Some how that wasn’t quite the fairy tale I had dreamed of.
After my relationship experiences weren’t quite as I thought they would be, I had to reevaluate my expectations. Although my subsequent relationship experiences were better, this whole idea of a man swooping in to take care of me and provide for me seemed to be unrealistic. Throughout the years I had learned to care for and provide for myself and came to the realization that I didn’t need a man with a castle to sweep me off my feet. I needed a man who was truly skilled and ready to build a castle with me.
In my marriage now, building our “castle” together has been a most exciting, creative, and powerful learning experience. It has deepened our bond and strengthened our marital foundation. Our philosophy in this marriage is that we contribute where we are best skilled. My husband handles the kitchen, (seriously it’s better that way), I manage our finances and we just divide things up according to who does what best or we jointly hire someone who is better skilled than both of us. We take care of each other and we take care of ourselves. There is a true balance in giving and receiving and as a result we have a marriage that is mutual and deeply resonates for both of us.
In my coaching practice, I hear many of my single gals wonder when a man will come along and take care of her. As much as I can understand the hope and the expectations, I teach singles to empower themselves and learn to build their own castle while they prepare for future partnership. Learning those skills will help create an equal partnership that is mutual, equal, loving, and harmonious, where two people build their new castle together.
If you are single and hoping to find a man with a castle or a man who will build one for you, reevaluate that expectation and look at the castle you are building now. If you are married and feel there is an imbalance in who is doing what with the castle, then its time to reevaluate how you are partnering together.
Check out how my intuitive relationship coaching services can help!
5 Ways to Know if You Are Really Ready for Love
It’s amazing watching so many young people get married. Young “twenty-somethings” are stepping into a life-long commitment at a time when they barely know who they are in the world. Our culture offers some crazy mixed messages about the “shoulds” of love, relationships and commitment.
Barely into our 20s, the “game” is on. Find a good job, get a house, become financially wealthy… oh yeah, and find a spouse. For men, our culture gives a longer time frame, for women, that biological clock gets moving like some kitchen timer and ladies, you fear that the bell will sound and it will be too late to find that great love, get married and have kids.
If you are female and aren’t married by the age of 30, our culture asks, “What’s wrong with you?” and much panic begins to set in for many. For men it’s “Hey, you still have time, go make some money so you have something to offer and then come back for your soulmate.” Our culture will make you wrong regardless of your gender.
If you are dating, not dating, young, old, wealthy or not so wealthy, there will always be some kind of “pressure” that our culture has for you.
So we all want to love and be loved, but are we really prepared for a soulmate, a life-long partner, deep and meaningful love? How do we know at any age or any stage in our life if we are really ready for love?
Here are some ways to know:
1) Are you motivated by pressure?
Do you feel the clock is ticking? Can you sense the pressure of being a “certain age”? Is your mother driving you crazy and hinting for grandchildren? Have you been divorced for “quite a while” with people trying to set you up? Are you judging your own current relationship status?
These are some the pressure traps many people face. You, however, are the authority of you and no matter what your age or past relationship status, being ready to find a soulmate isn’t all about external circumstances or a way to prevent your mother from badgering you.
Being “ready” is about creating wholeness in your life. It is about truly wanting that love and companionship, feeling whole and complete about yourself and your life and wanting to share your life with someone. It is not about having the wedding (Ladies!) or being able to tell people that you have your beloved so they will think you are loveable and acceptable. It’s not even all about having a house, a great income, and a luxury car.
Being ready is a more complex process and if you succumb to external pressure you are liable to end up in relationship that isn’t a good fit for you and wind up in divorce court! So, let go of the pressure you feel and tune into your own intuitive inner guidance that really knows best. Being ready is an internal process as well as an external one.
2) Have you worked on your Emotional Baggage?
We all come into relationships with emotional baggage. Have you identified yours? Have you worked through your past relationship issues? Have you healed some of the old wounds, false beliefs and have you understood your own part in why things haven’t worked out the way you wanted them to in the past?
It is essential to do all of the above. Part of being ready for a long-term love is to know this information and work to heal your issues and patterns and know that they are your responsibility rather than someone else’s. If you don’t, you will continue to attract people who mirror those issues and trigger them inside of you, so you can see what needs to be healed. You’ll continue to think that the issues coming up are due to the “other” person and miss the common denominator. Relationships aren’t just about romantic love; they are also about learning, growing, and evolving on all levels.
Identify your patterns, understand your issues, and explore what your sadness and anger has been about. Know what issues you have to work on and work through them. You will then have an easier time finding a soulmate and having a relationship that really works for you because you will be truly ready.
3) Are you satisfied with other areas of your life?
Are you looking for someone to fill a void in your life? Ladies, are you looking for a man to take care of you financially? Guys, are you looking for someone to clean the house and cook your dinner? What does the rest of your life look like and why is that so important?
Being in a relationship still means you need to work on the rest of your life. So many people feel that finding that great love will make the status of everything else feel ok. It may “help” you feel better about other things, but would only be a temporary fix. Your issues, patterns, and learning items are going on in all areas of your life and being in love won’t fix it, only you can.
It is best to seek partnership when you are content with how other areas of your life are going. If not, you may be looking for someone to “complete you” and make everything else feel better. It doesn’t mean that everything has to be “perfect”. It means that you need to be working on your life consciously and not look for someone else to make it hurt less, feel better, or fix it so you don’t have to.
Work on thriving in all areas of your life and know that you will be ready when you are feeling more balanced.
4) Are you comfortable opening up and being vulnerable?
We have all heard the term “emotionally unavailable”. If you are emotionally unavailable then you may not be quite ready to find a soulmate. Being able to open your heart, let someone in and be intimate is essential to being in a relationship. Sharing who you are on a deep level, letting someone into your world to know your issues, your imperfections, your worries, your goals, dreams, and visions is part of what being in a heart-centered relationship with a soulmate is all about. It is part of the beauty, joy, grace, and magnificence of sharing your life with someone.
So many people are afraid of getting hurt, of risking and allowing someone else to know some of the most intimate and personal aspects of themselves. Bonding and connecting happens when people not only share their physical selves, but their emotional, mental, and spiritual selves as well. Learning to open your heart and be vulnerable is part of the process. When you are able to do that, you will have an easier time finding your great love and experiencing all that soulmate relationships have to offer.
5) Do you have healthy boundaries?
Do you know how to speak and share your truth or stand up for what you believe or express when something doesn’t work for you? Are you comfortable bringing up issues to talk about, asking for what you want and need, and letting people know your bottom line? Have you allowed too many people to take advantage of you, your space, your kindness and compassion? If so, perhaps you have more work to do here before you are really ready for life long love.
Knowing what your “bottom line” is and where your boundaries are is an important step. What is your bottom line with people? You know how it feels to have someone cross the line with you. It often brings up anger, resentment, an internal sense of “creepiness” or that weird feeling that someone just ran over you with a truck and left you for dead.
You are VALUABLE and deserve respect and deserve a partner who honors you. Knowing where your bottom line is and being your word to yourself will help you be ready for your life partner.
Being in love is a beautiful thing and being ready for that relationship is essential. Being ready also helps you attract the right partner and have a successful relationship. Many people are feeling the outside pressure and in such a hurry for love that they miss the fact that they aren’t quite ready. Spending the time preparing yourself will not only improve the quality of who you attract and the type of relationship you have, but will also improve the quality of all areas of your life. Take some time to prepare yourself and value the journey. Hiring me as your Relationship Coach will help you move that process along more swiftly!
Is There Anyone Out There for Me?
As a Relationship Coach, the one most frequent question I get from my Single clients is “Is there anyone out there for me?”
I know many of you have been searching for years, thought you would be married by now and feel like giving up hope. I often hear “but I don’t see anyone out there and I haven’t met anyone up until now so therefore there must not be anyone.” How many times have you actually seen something out there prior to it coming into your life?
We don’t always know what internal and external conditions need to be met for people to meet their beloved but it is different for everyone. It is so easy to compare yourself to others and feel like you are the only one in your group of friends who hasn’t met their partner or that at your age, the likelihood of meeting someone is slim.
I understand that things may look grim, but I encourage you to keep the faith and create the most spectacular life for yourself as a single person that you can while preparing yourself for partnership. And giving up hope doesn’t move you any closer.
Here are some easy ways you can create your best single life and hold the space for a partner:
1) Rejuvenate your relationship with yourself. It’s so easy to spin the negative thoughts that come through your mind. It’s tempting to believe the old stories and programs about how bad, wrong, unattractive, unfortunate or unlovable you are since you don’t have a partner. Work on some new words for yourself and give yourself some love, approval, and praise while staring at your reflection in the mirror. It may be much easier to go to the dark side and find things that are negative about yourself, but try some praise for that fabulous gal you see staring back at you. She deserves some love and some kind words.
2) Attend to the other areas of your life. How is your self care? Your career? Your other relationships? Your finances? Would you rate those areas a 10? If not, there is work to do so get to it! A partner is not going to fill the void.
3) Envision your life with a partner. I know vision crafting has become a bit cliché, but it helps you get clear about what you want and sends a strong message out to the universe.
4) Continue your personal development. Find something you’re passionate about or get involved in learning something new in the area of personal growth. Take a new class, order a personal development course or attend a lecture. Keep the flow of your personal development going. It may provide the information you need about yourself that clears something and helps draws in your partner.
5) Remember the law of attraction is still operating whether you want it to or not. Your thoughts and words are powerful and if repeated over and over can be the very thing that blocks a partner from coming in. It’s ok to allow your anger and frustration to come forward, but learn ways to clear that energy. If you continue to state that there is no one out there for you, then that is what will continue to show up. There is a delicate balance between bringing frustration and sadness up for clearing and spinning in it and holding on to it.
6) Hire a trained Relationship Coach. Yes I have to give a shout out to the value of coaching! Relationship Coaching can help you with all of the above, to really prepare for partnership in ways you didn’t know you were missing and actually speed up the process. With the combination of intuition and coaching that I offer, you will receive intuitive information about your partner, get a direct experience of your partner through the intuitive visioning process, identify and release the blocks that are standing in between you and your partner and learn tools that will transform every relationship in your life.
I’ve heard many clients tell me that they have done everything to find their partner and no one has shown up. If no one has arrived, then there is more to be done whether it’s more internal clearing, external action, or even more for you to experience as a single, and Relationship coaching can help pick up the pace!
In the meantime, create the best most fabulous life you can as a single, focus on what’s going well in your life as much as you possibly can and, most of all, have faith. Your partner is out there and when you meet him, you may even look back and be grateful he came in when he did knowing that all unfolded as it needed to and timing is always perfect.
Moving Beyond the Break-Up- 5 Steps to take before you start dating again
So, you have ended a relationship. You are feeling lost, sad, and angry among a host of otheremotions. You are experiencing many thoughts in your mind and you are drawing conclusions, making assumptions, and declarations as you try and analyze what happened and decide where to go from here. The need for boxes of chocolate may be quite strong at this point!
What I suggest is not about finding a new hobby, running away from home, or buying a new wardrobe. It is also not about jumping back into the dating world as fast as you can. While those are logical external next steps, I am suggesting a different approach. I am prescribing an internal retreat process that will not only help you heal, but will also rebuild your inner foundation so that your external steps are more conscious and effective which will also profoundly affect your next relationship experience.
While getting back into the dating world may be part of your plan, I recommend these 5 steps before posting your next internet dating profile.
Step 1- Wallow in it!
Huh? Yes, wallow in it. It’s important to allow the gut- wrenching raw emotions to come up to the surface. Why? Well, we normally resist them and do our best to stuff them back in. When we resist them, they persist; they push back even harder and when we suppress them, they grow even stronger. When we embrace the sadness, anger and frustration that come up, we can then let them run their course and then set them free. So write it out on paper, scream it out in a pillow, cry, do whatever you need to do. Just let those feeling do their dance.
Step 2- Reconnect with yourself
Often when we come out of a break-up, we want to escape. We want to move away from the pain, the thoughts, the memories. We may also want to escape from ourselves and from who we are. But this is the moment to do the opposite and take contrary action. It’s time to turn inward and reconnect with yourself. You have just left a world that was about someone else’s needs and wants; it’s time to center yourself in your own. Spend some time in stillness each day, whether you spend 5 minutes or 60, just being in your own energy. Get to know yourself again. Check in with your core, rediscover your values in life and in relationship; reconnect with your inner sense of spirit. Fall in love with yourself again.
Step- 3 Examine and release the “stories” you tell yourself
Notice your thoughts. Notice your assumptions. Pay attention to the conclusions you’ve drawn. These are the beliefs that create the energy that becomes your reality. Following a break-up, these “stories” intensify and feel real. Let them speak and tell their tale! Invite them forward, examine them, see what they are trying to create for your future. These “stories” are actually based on “what was”. We cannot change “what was”, but we don’t have to let it predict our future. There are several techniques that help this process along and are really effective. I recommend The Sedona Method® and the work of Byron Katie. These inner “stories” and beliefs can influence the future that hasn’t even happened yet. After you examine and release these thoughts, you can tell a new and improved story.
Step 4- Vision a new future relationship
Creating a new vision for your life not only feels good, but also gives it a new direction. It opens up space and allows a new path to appear in front of you. There may be a future relationship on that path and you may even find some of your relationship needs, wants, and requirements have actually evolved. Create it in writing and create a vision board with inspiring photos that are vibrant and alive for you. You can then energize and visualize your board daily.
Step 5- Acknowledge the gains
Every relationship offers opportunities to grow, evolve, and expand your consciousness. Relationships can bring you closer to your spirituality, inform you of issues that require healing, and let you know where you stand in relationship to yourself. At first it may not seem clear that there were actual gains or blessings from your time with that person, but as you move forward, you’ll be able to see them. Maybe it helped you know how strong you are or showed you a particular quality you have. When we can see the gains and blessings, we can look back and appreciate our journey, knowing it has brought us that much closer to who we really are and to having the right relationship.
So, before you run out and cut your hair off, buy a new car, or eat 5 quarts of ice cream, give yourself the dignity of the inner retreat time. Allow yourself to grieve, examine, release, vision, and acknowledge, so when you get back into the dating world, you are rejuvenated, open, and ready to embrace love again.
And of course, a good relationship coach can guide you through that process!
